I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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