Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
