Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
