You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
