I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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