it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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