I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
