i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
