Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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