Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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