if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
