i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
