I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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