I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
