Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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