For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
