Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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