Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
