i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
