i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
