The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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