there was a trapeze. enough said
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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