I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
