its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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