Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
