im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just invented taco cereal.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
