I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
