I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
