she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
