i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I smell like Dick and happiness
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
