You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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