I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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