Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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