Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
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