TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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