your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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