when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Houston, we have a blender
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
