i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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