spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize