I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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