I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
