she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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