my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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