I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
