In the future we'll all be gay
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just had sex on a roof
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
