4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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