hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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