Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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