I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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