it's like iHOP with fire
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
