I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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