i was born a porn star she said
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
