i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
