we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize