I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
