So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
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