Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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