I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize