it wasn't lemon gatorade
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
