Apparently you make a good broom.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
