exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
