Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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