I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
