I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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